Vokuhila, or The Mullets of Europe

That's right, I'm dedicating this entire post to the mullet. I went into town today to get my hair cut, and in the period of just under three hours, I saw two things I'd never seen before in one day: an old man mullet and a small child mullet. For some reason it's come back to Europe. You may remember the mullet from back in the 80s, but in America it has become associated with the White Trash movement. "But why?" you ask. My response: Get your eyes checked before operating heavy machinery or taking that goofy kid up on their offer to grab dinner and a movie.


The German word for mullet is Vokuhila, which is a surprisingly Soviet-esque contraction of Vorne kurz, hinten lang (front short, back long), which led me to believe that the mullet may have originated in the Motherland.


So I looked it up, and indeed, the mullet "sprang fully-formed from the head of Rus" (Nestor, 1290).


altogether an attractive look


A Lady-Mullet is a rare speciment, but I'm vigilant.


You might not be able to tell, but this man has his mullet in a pony-tail.


Too young to be able to fight off his evil parents, this American child is forced to wear his hair like a savage European. Oh wait, that's me!

Alright, so maybe there'll be a serious post in the near future, or maybe it'll just be more junk from the mullet paparazzi. There's only one way to find out!

Side note - The German newspaper Die Bild recently ran a hilarious article making fun of a British guy for suing his travel agency due to there being "too many Germans" on his trip. For those of you who can read German, I'd highly recommend it. (Click here.)

Beobachtungen zum Leben in Deutschland

I don't really have much news and, sorry guys, no photos this time, but I do have some (hopefully) interesting observations about life in Germany that I thought I'd share. But first I want to make sure you all know I am actually finally taking classes at the university. Classes in German are tough, but I'm sure I’ll get used to it.

So what makes Germany Germany?

#1. Lots of English (Tandem Team, Locker deposit, Research Center). Normally it's shockingly good English, but bad English is funnier. For example, the following quote I took from a sign hanging in my house's bathroom:

To this badly drawn boy who never flushes the toilet after he used it:
Please get used to it, that in Germany it's a well habbit flushing the toilet after using it no matter you used it for peeing or something else:
Always flushing the toilet after using!! [sic omnis]

#2. Bureaucracy. Labyrinthine bureaucracy. In order to get anything official done, you have to go to about seven different places that are spread out over the city. Each office is only open one or two hours a day (four days a week, if you're lucky), and most of them are open only during the same hour.

#3. An irrational fear of spice. I feel like I'm pretty well known for having a very dull palette, but I can eat even the hottest German food. Curry, for example, tastes basically the same as ketchup. For the most part, "seasoning" is construed as either "salt" or "more salt."

#4. You never cross the street on red. Even if no cars are coming, and it's the middle of the night. Germans will wait for hours until the little green man shows his face.

#5. Business hours. Everything closes around 8pm and basically nothing is open ever on Sundays. The same goes for holidays.

#6. You don't wear bright colors. In fact, it is preferable to wear only black. Kirsten and Amelia have neon green coats. They get glares. Other popular fashion includes maroon hair for middle-aged women, large horizontal stripes, tight jeans with bright white words and designs, and the mullet (as I mentioned in a previous post).

#7. Everyone bikes, even middle-aged people. And bikers are dangerous. Walking to the U each morning is a bit of an adventure, because every five seconds a biker zips past, within inches of taking off your head.

#8. You "klopf" after class, which means you knock with your knuckles on the table as a sign of appreciation for the lecture.

#9. Germans love to sort trash. Depending on what type of garbage you’re throwing away, you use one of about a dozen trashcans. Glass gets divided into three bins based on color. Plastics, cardboard, paper, etc. also get separate canisters. Foodstuff gets thrown into a lidless bin, apparently to rot until someone gets stuck with “Mülldienst” (trash duty) and has to throw it into the dumpster.

#10. Germans are more interested in American politics than Americans are. The first question every German will ask you after the obligatory incredulous "You're American? But you speak German!" is "Who will be the next American president?"

So those are some of the many nuanced differences between America and Germany. Life here is overall very similar, but as I mentioned, there are certainly some differences. I definitely don’t mean any of the above to sound harsh (except the bureaucracy comment – that really irks me). Germany is hands down my favorite country outside of the US at this point, and the people here are basically all unbelievably nice, friendly and helpful.

But guess where I'm going to be all of next week? So I'm kind of skipping out on class - ah, probably not the best idea, since it's just the second week, but oh well, I already have the tickets…
-MOSCOW!
Now if you're the stereotypical American, you're probably sitting there, eating your 10lbs McCheeseburger after a long day of plowing your cornfield, and thinking to yourself, "Moscow's the capital of London." Well no, that’s wrong. Moscow's actually in Russia. You can learn loads about Russia from my blog from last year, or you can simply wait for sweet updates throughout the upcoming week!

Viel Spaß und bis dann!

Berlin, Hauptstadt Deutschlands

Right now I'm sitting in my hostel in Dresden, but before I get to that: BERLIN!

So the best thing about Berlin was that I got to meet up with about a thousand friends of mine. We Constancers stayed in A+O Hostel with Sara Thatcher and Erik Davis (my roomie from way back in the USA). The hostel was, mmm, the worst so far, but still decent. It was €13/bed and right next to one of the train stations, but it was filled with screaming high schoolers, who woke up at sunrise every morning and made animal noises. The shower doors were transparent and were across from sinks with mirrors, so it was like you were part of a (naked) art exhibit every morning. Plus breakfast was overpriced (€6), so we didn't get it. Location=very good, rooms=okay, living conditions=poor. I'd give it **.

But anyway, on to way too many photos:


Another one of my friends we met in Berlin was Katie Henly. She was a tour guide last summer in Berlin, so she offered to take all of us around the city. She was insanely enthusiastic. I give her tour *****, 5 stars!
Also, tho, if you don't have a friend who professionally gives tours of Berlin, you can check out Katie's previous employer, Sandeman's. Tours are free, and you see lots of the city!


on the tour, Gendarmenplatz, with a statue of Schiller in the foreground


Oh! And you might remember from my Russian blog that the mullet has hit the Russian scene. Well fear no more! Germany has also joined the fashion revolution. Teenage boys all over the country are screaming "Business in the front, party in the back!"


The next day (we spent three nights in Berlin) we went to the Jewish Museum. It was bizarre. I wasn't a big fan. It was €2,50 to get in, plus we paid an extra €1 to see the special exhibit. Some of it was artsy and fun, but a lot of it was just eclectic. One room seriously had a bunch of mounted fish. No one knows why. I give it **, just to be nice.

But don't worry; we went to several other Jewish/Holocaust things in Berlin. There's a very cool Monument to the Murdered Jews of Europe, which is free, and just out along the street (****).

And just below this monument is a museum to the Jewish Holocaust victims. This is also cool and free. It supposedly follows the stories of 6 Jewish people or Jewish families or something thru the Nazi period, but I haven't the foggiest idea how. Nonetheless, it was quality (esp. for the price), so ***.

We also went to the Topography of Terror, an exhibit near the Berlin Wall. It was free and outside. It probably would not have been very cool (it's just a bunch of posters with about an entire novel written on each one), but it was raining, which made it all the worse. I give it **, just because it was near the Wall, which is interesting to see in person.


This is the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church, which was just down the street from our hostel. It is really cool looking. It was bombed out during WWII, and they decided to leave it like that as a monument. I don't think you can get inside it, but it is definitely worth the walk to see it (even if you live on the other side of Berlin, not just on the other side of the street!).


Then the next day, we went to watch Katie run in a marathon. We watched and watched, but didn't see her (tho we actually must have, since we saw everyone run past). So then Sara and I climbed the Victory Tower (Siegessäule) to get a high-up view of the city. It cost €1,50, and there was a museum on the bottom floor. The view was mediocre. I've had enough skyscraper views of big cities for a lifetime, I'm pretty sure. Plus the museum was crap. *.

Then I went to Museum Island and went to the museums (by myself! No one else wanted to go!). A day pass to all of the museums on the island cost €14 I think. It's pretty expensive, but you can see a lot. First I went to the Pergamon.


I saw the Ishtar Gate!
The Pergamon was very cool. I give it ****.


Then I went to the Egyptian Museum. Here I saw the bust of Nefertiti. Beyond that it wasn't that great (and actually, the bust wasn't that great either). Better deal: Go to the University of Chicago. The Egyptian Museum gets **.

And finally I went to the Museum of Antiquities. This museum was better than the Egyptian in my opinion, but it didn't really have anything substantial in it. Plus I kind of had my fill of museums for the day. I give it ***.


Okay, so maybe when you think Berlin, you think of the Wall, the Jewish memorial, the Brandenburg Gate. Well that's idiotic. What you should really think of are these two things: The Berliner Ampelmann (the odd looking East German man on the stop lights) and Knut the polar bear (more info on Knut below).


This is what Berlin actually looks like. It's kind of gross, dirty, full of prostitutes (seriously), and gross (I'm repeating myself here for emphasis).


Finally to end the day, we went to the East Side Gallery, which is an intact section of the Wall that was covered by some pretty sweet graffiti.


East Side Gallery

That evening we went to the Weinerei (wine bar). It was only €2,00 for the glass, and then you could fill it up as many times and with as many different kinds of wine (or juice) as you wanted. An obvious *****.


Erik and Sara looking classy


group of us

Okay, so the last day in Berlin I got my hair cut and went to the zoo. Entrance to the aquarium and the zoo proper was €7. It was overall a very nice zoo, but I just went to the zoo in Leipzig today, and that is one of the best in the world, so I feel a little jaded while writing this. But that's a story for tomorrow. I'm giving the Berlin Zoo ***.


AND I SAW KNUT! Knut is famous all over Germany. He's the star attraction of the Berlin zoo. I'm not really sure why. When he came here, he was just a baby and was apparently very cute, but now he's a grown-up and kind of ferocious. But anyway, they even have a movie about him out in theaters (check out the wicked rad trailer!).

So thanks for sticking with me for this massive post, but Berlin is kind of a massive city.
Tomorrow I'll post about Leipzig and Dresden - and my blog will finally catch up with me in real life again!